it is both the easiest and the hardest thing to come by depending upon many things and factors many times we don't want it because it would cause us to make decisions that are well true therefore no one could think anything else of us other than that we are wholly our own and worthy of all and any blame we could incur from our words or deeds rightfully or wrongfully because then we would finally own our actions in total and there is no veil of family or habit or comfort to hide our scared sacred bodies behind truth sheds light on parts of our psyches we feel we must keep in the dark to remain expectedly functional in this experiment called society this blind-rats-in-a-maze race truth will strip away the armor and the cracked drooping facade you wear to keep the seeming well wishers from prodding or accusing you of honesty of invoking reality too strongly which is not what anyone truly wants from you Jesus had his own version of truth and look at what the great unwashed did to him there was a person who bore their truth to the very end if we are to believe the stories bore his truth like a cross you could say he bore it he wore it over the armor of nicety truth can become your armor if you wear it right they say the truth hurts but i think its the lies that hurt us the truth only shows us that which we hold on to for comfort and security is as thin as a strand of silk that to truly exist in this world you need to go groping wildly into thorny jungles to find something true to grasp on to and youll probably bleed a little and youll get upset but those are the rules of the road no one signed up for them but surely as you will blink breathe and pump blood the rules of existence apply to all truth shows us the rulebook cleared of the editorial haze all the omissions are not really omissions but hidden by lies to fool us into thinking we can coast by on shallow seas all the while our souls are rending in rapids and rocky coasts that is why we are told truth hurts truth makes us own everything lies as i have said are what actually hurt us they sidle up a as smiling stranger and buy us drinks until we fall in love we fall in love with lies like patty hearst fell in love with her captors this is an existential stockholm syndrome of the soul we fall in love with our lies so the truth seems to hurt truth will clear out the silt from the stream show the rocky irregularities under the surface where you thought all was perfect smoothness and comfort and crossing from one side of life to the other becomes apparent to be a balancing act where you thought it was one smooth ride with no jagged edges or slippery slopes of freezing currents fear not your own truth like the frigid water of the stream if you know it is there and you must immerse yourself in it then go all in and dont look back at the bank where one second ago you were standing warm and dry that was just an illusion no one is that lucky truth does not hurt it only temporarily inconveniences if one is not willing to face temporary shame for eventual liberation then one must be ready for a lifetime of simmering resentment and bitterness a simmer that could turn into a boil denied truth doesnt go away see so at any time it could poke its head up and show you its brightness to your darkened eyes and at those moments your damaged self will erupt your denied truth will draw you out of yourself and the result will be unpredictable and dangerous truth blinds but only those who dont have the courage to turn the lights on more often
I think I've said it. It felt good, and real, and I think I'd like to take some of that and go off somewhere with it to where I can feel like I can put it to good use. I want to think it poured out of me because it was truth. Or maybe it was a lie, a lie I've cozied up to and I am happy to be a host this parasitic being that just needs a pulse and a body around 98 degrees fahrenheit to thrive. I don't know what is true, or I just am supposed to think I don't. circular.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
i started out in search of ordinary things
if anyone is reading this:
i am enamored with this man's music and words. and basically his entire aura. one of those artists who seems to exude elusive/illusive truths as easily as breathing.
the ocean and the wave
the day does not belong to us, much as we want to possess the light, we are not responsible for anything beyond our sphere and though our sphere of influence extends outward in all directions forever we can only control so much. there are as many factors to influence as there are factors of feeling, of sense, in the world. even within our frames there are thousands of factors and they change without us knowing it. we're walking waves of change, expanding and collapsing on ourselves and each other, and pushing and pulling everything around us. waves originate from somewhere, we don't know; something to do with the moon and the sun and the rotation of the earth. aint that just how it goes, we don't know where we came from but we're going somewhere regardless. and we have no idea where. i wonder if the waves in the ocean think about that. then again the waves, to my eyes, look perfect: no grief or want or disappointment. and a wave is no more separate from the water than a mountain is separate from the ground; just extensions, protrusions, that are always in the process of growing up and coming back to the origin. so a wave cannot necessarily think of what it means in the grand scheme, because really the wave thinks with the same mind as the wave that just broke ahead or the forming wave behind, that is to say, the totality of water, one mind, one singular though unknowable purpose. i wonder if its like that with people, too. maybe it is, there's just not an easy metaphor to be made. i'm tempted to say because we are more "complex" than the waves in the ocean, but we're really not, we're molecular and random and orderly and chaotic and coincidentally here all the same as the ocean and her waves. its just that with all our "advances" in thinking we believe we can explain the purpose of the ocean, though we have no similarly simple explanation for ourselves and some individual or collective purpose. you go so far, only to realize you left something at home; you invent micronanotechnology and self-serving robotics, yet at the heart of it you're just seeking the meaning of simple things
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